New piece, hope you like it! xo Lang (Moon print by Verónica)
don’t be soft, let the world know you exist // 5-26-14 // 9:01AM (via restrictedthoughts)
OH MY GOD FUCKIN YES PREAAAACH THIS IS SO FUCKIN RIGHT
1. We met in the waiting room of our therapist’s office. He told me that orchids symbolize death and stuck one behind my ear. I kissed him too hard and my mother asked me why the scent of liquor was hanging off all my clothes. 8 months later I left white oleanders on his grave. They’re poisonous. I think we were too.
2. He drove too fast and I played music too loud and kissed him while he drove. We were our own accident waiting to happen. We almost drowned one night when we fell into a lake in the middle of winter. When we fell in love. He left me a note telling me that being with me was like being alone. I deleted his number but kept it written down in the back of my old social studies notebook from middle school. I have called him 8 times since then.
3. God, I would’ve fucking died for him. In a few ways, I did.
4. He fucked someone else because he hated the way my scars would split open and bleed all over my clothes. I took a lot of pictures of him. They’re still in my attic. I tried to burn them once but my hair caught fire instead.
5. I never knew his middle name. He spoke in poetry and choked down cigarettes and never answered my calls. I held his hand too tightly. He would climb in my window and fall asleep next to me. I think he had nightmares most nights. My mother found out he was staying over and kicked him out. Everything stopped smelling like him. I hate it.
6. We tried to run away but we were only 16 and we weren’t allowed to buy train tickets so we took a bus but I got sick halfway and threw up my parent’s worried voicemails. He took me to some shitty motel and let me sleep while he went out to buy drugs. We went home and never saw each other again.
7. He would touch my best friend’s thigh under the table when we all went out. I pretended not to notice. He pretended to love me.
8. We wrote each other love letters and he cut my hair to my shoulders. He tasted like coffee with two packets of sugar because that’s all he drank. He was still tired all the time. I wish I could’ve woken him up. My hair is down to my waist now. I can’t remember the sound of his voice.
9. I’m not sure if I ever even loved him. I think I might’ve been so in love with him. He lived next door. Our mothers hated each other. When he was 6 he pulled the flowers out of the garden in our backyard. When we turned 17 he followed me home from school and kissed me. He would wipe away my tears when I cried. And then a new girl showed up at school and he started taking a different route home. He pulled all the flowers out of my fucking garden.9 boys my mother warned me not to kiss (via extrasad)
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished. Oliver Nolau (via facina-oris)
Colleen Hoover, Hopeless
New Storms for Older Lovers // La Dispute
When you touch just my ankles, something sizzles
my hair, my lungs.
They tell us about chemistry,
but not about how it comes hand in hand with hunger
not how the shy of another body against yours
will loosen you into boneless
I can barely hold your hand without losing my voice,
God forbid our thighs brush, my cheeks will be wearing red for days
last night I dreamt of you and woke up, gasping
your name like a ghost on my lips
I wonder what will happen when you kiss me.
They’ll be finding my ashes in strange places for days.
if galaxies could collide
would they expand, or collapse?
In the last ten months
I’ve spent a lot of time wanting to collapse
I am here.
Even when I felt as if I was being swallowed
by a black hole and waiting to be spit out as leftover wreckage.
After all, nothing can survive.
Not even light.
Of all the collapsed galaxies swallowed by black holes,
and after millions of stars have exploded millions of light years away,
I am here.
I am the universe, infinitely expanded.
I have stardust in my veins,
I am unstoppable.
Nebulae collapse for stars to be born.
I have already faced my collapse.
I am a boiling, white-hot ball of gas
and I will not burn out anytime soon.