i’m the type of person that chases their happiness to the ends of the earth. i’m a contradiction: i plan for the future while simultaneously destroying it at the same time. i’m the kind of person who, when i’m unhappy, i do something to immediately make myself happy. everyone’s preaching about life’s too short, but when you follow that mantra, people start to get uncomfortable and lecture and advise you on how best to live your life. well, the thing about that is, you’re the one that has to live your own life. someone once told me that at the end of the night, you’re the person who has to deal with yourself and be able to sleep. and that is so true. so if you want to walk out on your job, or skip a class or two, or not do your homework, or stay up till 5 AM when you have a 9 AM the next morning, do it. granted, you can’t run away from the consequences of your actions and you do have to live with those, but, if you understand the consequences and the only thing holding you back are the lectures, disapproving tones, and advice of other people, then follow your own happiness. every single moment is a sliver of time and space that you own, and when that moment is gone, you can’t get it back. you can possibly, one day, get an identical moment, but that will be a different sliver of time and space with its own unique memory. follow your happiness, chase it to the ends of the earth, and don’t ever let go of something that you want to hold onto.
whenever i’m upset, people constantly remind me how beautiful i am. as if i somehow forgot that i am beautiful. they also remind me that i’m funny, and intelligent, and nice, but those are afterthoughts that follow “you are so beautiful.” yes, i am. but there is so much more to me than that. and when i’m having an anxiety attack and in hysterics and everyone is threatening to put me into an asylum, i don’t need to be reminded that i’m beautiful. i need to be reminded how to breathe, and that one step forward and two steps back will eventually make progress even though the math doesn’t add up. i need to know that i will be okay, one day, not now, but one day. i need to know that even though i’m not okay at this moment, thatis okay. i need to know that i am still loved by my family and friends even though i am broken. i need to know that it’s okay for me to be broken and i’m allowed to feel my emotions. i need everyone to know that shutting up and smiling isn’t something i can do at this moment, and when people look at me and say “you’re acting crazy, you may not be okay on the inside but you have got to get it together on the outside.” i need them to know that their idea of what is appropriate is not sufficient enough to hold back the pain i’m feeling and that smiling and pretending to be fine will not be okay, regardless of what our culture tries to tell us to do. i need everyone to know that emotions are something that i am going to embrace, and if that means i’m having an anxiety attack at my best friend’s house after my world falls apart and i walk out on my job and i don’t want to be awake anymore, then that is alright. for fuck’s sake, stop telling me i’m beautiful.
I haven’t posted a selfie in a while so here’s me yesterday.
okay so i got my conch pierced along with two cartilage piercings because i was bored (i get bored & get pierced or do something crazy like shave my head no big deal) anyway, so i got them done and we did the conch first because it was supposed to hurt the worst so we’re like okay go, so we do that and IT IS TERRIBLE. i was like oh damn that was a surprise, and then i’m like okay the worst parts over, then we go to do my top cartilage and FUCKING SURPRISE. since my ear doesn’t fold like a normal cartilage my cartilage is twice as thick therefore THE TOP CARTILAGE HURT WORSE THAN THE CONCH and I literally was just like holy fuck surprise much?! and my piercer was like yeah your cartilage is surprisingly thick, i wasn’t expecting that and i was like YEAH ME EITHER HOLY HELL anyway so then we did the second cartilage and it just bled a fuckton
my sister > yours